There’s a reason she’s the Queen. Watch this. It’s worth it, especially if you’ve ever struggled with your weight.
You are worthy. Right now. Exactly as you are.
Relinquishing. Letting go. Being free. Because freedom looks like presence and being present is powerful. Real power comes from authenticity, vulnerability, honesty. Standing in the moment and knowing who you are and how you feel. And that it is, you are okay. So okay.
I’ve been overweight since I was about twelve.
And whilst I have always genuinely felt a self confidence, a self love, a self pride, I would be lying if I said I haven’t wasted hours upon hours and dollars upon dollars thinking and spending and waiting and making false promises that today will be the day that I will lose weight, change dress sizes, make different choices, eat less and move more. Thinking that things would be better if I was thinner.
When I look in the mirror I am never racked with guilt, or hatred. I’m grateful for that. I’m grateful for an inbuilt capacity I’ve always had to pick out the things I like the most. I know a lot of people don’t have this. What I’m tired of most though is the amount of energy I’ve wasted every single day, since I was twelve years old, thinking,
“I need to change.”
That’s twenty years devoted to thoughts that circle around knowing what is right and following through with what is right. The how. Not on a text book level how, because I know that too. I’m a smart woman. I’ve done it before. This is on a soul level, a soul knowing. How to connect brain and heart and soul into some kind of present, connected, action savvy lady love.
To move from a longing, to a knowing, to a doing.
Twenty years is too long to not be grateful. That’s 7,300 days worth of thoughts that have suggested that the way I am is not enough. To be told, “you’re great, but…” That kind of passive rejection is so undermining. No wonder I don’t want to nurture this body.
You can’t really love something that you want to change. You can’t put energy into changing something that you hate.
The weight represents the weight I feel I must carry to apologise for my presence. For taking up space. It is an excuse. A self dictated flaw. Which keeps me safe. It is a reason, the reason, for people not to like me. Or a ‘flaw’ that muddies my success.
In the past this was particularly constricting when it came to romance. A weighty belief that anyone you fell in love with would ultimately break your heart. So, why bother? This way I could put myself out there but have an in-built excuse.
‘I’m too weird.’ ‘I’m too fat.‘ ‘It’s okay. They don’t get it.’ ‘See? There is something wrong?’
It is an armour. But, the thing about armour is that this shit is heavy. And, I don’t need it anymore. There’s no medieval war to fight. No need for sword play and excuses. There’s no need to self-protect anymore. Because finally I know, like really truly know, that we got this. Whatever this is, oh boy, do we have it.
And so do you. Yes.
Thanks Oprah Winfrey & SuperSoul for these reminders. Thank you. Thank you.